Updating 2-3 times a week (weather permitting)
Yeah I know I said I'd have more comics on the 19th. But hey the 19th and 22nd are practically the same day. I mean they are right next to each other on the calendar.
-GB
Sources have revealed to me that I have a really big fan who goes by the name Boss Dwarf. He's been enjoying my comics and doing his part to spread the word of this site. Spreading my gospel, if you will. So Boss Dwarf I just want you to know that I very much appreciate all your loyalty and hard work. You sound like a pretty cool guy on top of that so I will say right here right now that I owe you a round of drinks. Don't stop believing!
-GB
I something really neat to say earlier. Something deep and profound and I can say without ego, it would've been the greatest thing a person has ever said in the history of the world.
Right now however I've got surf rock playing in my head.
Who knows what I was gonna say.
Man, that song 'Pipeline' RULES.
-GB
Dang, 3 days of comics in a row? It's like I'm in the middle of some sort of bet with some jerk-face named Todd. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm trying to rub this in his stupid smug face. Maybe I'm supposed to also have a new soapbox post every day and I am using this one to tell Todd that he's gonna lose.
Nah that seems silly and childish. Not like me at all.
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I don't have anything against the cartoon style where eyes are just black spots on someones face, but Orphan Annie was just downright horrifing. White voids? Really? That's what I imagine someone without a soul looks like. Which makes sense because Warbucks was stupid rich from war profiteering thus no soul. Orphans have no souls, plus she's a ginger so no soul for her. Her dog didn't have a soul either but that isn't because he was a dog. See Annie once tried to use the dogs soul in a ritual to bring forth demon lords from beyond hell. In typical comic strip fashion the ritual was flubbed but the dog still lost his eternal soul.
My friend showed me that comic once. It was wild.
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This space for rent. Got something you'd like me to plug or a cause to talk about? I just need payment in form of cash money american or nudity. I'm not sure what the exchange rate between the dollar and boobs is but I'm sure we can work something out.
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Of course the hot button issue right now is the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. I think. I live in a land-locked state so I'm not really sure how it affects me. Wait maybe the thing everyone is talking about is the World Cup? I dunno. I don't read the news much and tennis bores me.
I've seen other people make comics talking about the oil fiasco but it's likely that I won't. The subject matter doesn't really interest me and frankly I don't have any characters that really get excited over enviromental issues. Or Texas. Least of all Texas.
I do have a solution for the problem though. Actually I'm surprised no one else has even mentioned it yet. One of my philosophies is that excessive violence can solve ANY problem. So with that mindset that solution becomes easy; plug the leak by stuffing manatees in there. Simple, elegant and effective. After all, manatees are nature's cork.
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Months of research went into these conclusions. If you are interested here is the full comparison list:
Funions- Dry hump
Real Onion Rings- Hand job
Cheese Fries- Blow job
Chili Cheese Fries- Rim job
Doughnuts- Intercourse
Funnel Cake- Anal intercourse
Deep Fried Twinkie- Threesome
Spread the word.
-GB
That's it for Dick Cheese, for now. I can only write so many food puns (puns in general really) before I start to feel dirty.
Well, dirtier.
He'll be back eventually. Look forward to Dick Cheese II: Cheese Harder and then Dick Cheese III: The Final Slice. Oh god if I don't stop now it'll never end.
Last thing, I was peeking at my site analytics the other day, particularly seeing what search engine keywords people used before for finding this wholesome site of joy. It all looked as you would imagine, searches for 'Goblin Boy' or just 'Goblin' but one stuck out and gave me reason to pause. I had ONE vistor who came here while doing a search for 'Raunchysex.com' If this person was you, than I sincerly hope you weren't too disapointed. I can't promise that i'll ever draw sex acts that could be considered raunchy, but I may indeed draw some titillating sex at some point.
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So last weekend I had an enjoyable visit to the home of my dear friend Todd. It was a lovely weekend filled with laughter and talk of days past.
The few days after I was hit hard by sickness.
It was like a brutal mix of mono and the flu, hereby dubbed 'Flumono'. I could barely watching cartoons let alone draw.
Clearly it was all Todd's fault, so that's whos to blame for the late update. So if you see him be sure to give him a swift punch to the gut to express your dissatisfaction. Heck even if you're not sure you know the Todd I know, just find some Todd and pummel them for me. I command as much. My will be done. Burma Shave.
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Here's some words for ya'.
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Rest in peace, Ronnie James Dio.
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I've restarted this about a bajillion times. I keep getting distracted because I'm watching old episodes of Xena: Warrior Princess. Truly Lucy Lawless is the Linda Carter of my generation.
Not that I still wouldn't bang Linda Carter mind you.
-GB
I wrote this last week when I saw the news story. It made me giggle. I then found out today that a movement was started called Boobquake, where women worldwide have been called to dress unmodestly in an attempt to cause earthquakes with their boobs. As a fan of cleavage myself I whole-heartedly support this movement.
-GB
I completly forgot that I need to give some credit to the last storyline. My good buddy Tyler helped me develop the story for it. We were supposed to be working and watching the store but we decided that it was more fun to speculate on what would be happen if we had time machines. Good stuff. Great conversation too, a nice diversion from playing our usual game of trying to break stuff by throwing bouncey balls at them. So thank you Tyler!
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These days everybody is more focused on a zombie apocalypse, no one pays any mind to a possible robot revolution. I don't mean a matrix-style we get stuck in goo and retell the new testement with robots way. I mean the Terminator/Terminator 2 fighting metal skeletons way. Frankly zombies really aren't to worrisome. Most move slow and since they are still basically humans they're easy to take out. Robots are trickier. Sure I'd like to hope that some form of Optimus Prime would help protect us but I'm not that optimistic.
Most of that makes a form of sense.
-GB
I've actually never drawn people kissing before and I had a lot of fun drawing people kissing. From now on this is a teen romance comic.
-GB
Using the further fundage of my tax refund I picked up a copy of the She-Hulk Sensational one-shot. Hot damn was it amusing. I never really followed the She-Hulk comics much as a kid, but I sure enjoyed the artwork (wink-wink nudge-nudge say-no-more). This big special issue also had a reprint of an issue from the late 80's early 90's where Ms.Hulk was constantly breaking the 4th wall and being very cognisant of the fact that she's a character in a comic book. Basically she was Deadpool before Deadpool was Deadpool. If you read comics you know exactly what I mean.
I also snagged a the lone copy of Scud The Disposable Assassin: The Whole Shebang that Borders had which turned out to be a FANTASTIC idea. I remember hearing about Scud in Wizard magazine back when I was a kid but where I lived that only place that had comics was the grocery store. Which meant they never carried any indie comics. Reading it now, I really wish I had read it in my youth, but it is no less enjoyable. If you can find the big meaty tome that is Scud, I can't recommend it enough.
If you read this far, I do thank you.
-GB
Before inking todays comic I made some Hot Pockets and burned my drawing hand on the plate. It hurt to ink this one. I have officially suffered for my art.
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If St. Patricks Day is the day when everyone is Irish, then I propose that on Yom Kippur we're all jewish, on Cinco De Mayo we're all mexican, and on Martin Luther King Jr.'s Birthday we're all black.
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Last weeks lack of comic goodness was (hopefully) a fluke. Did not have a very fun week. If you want to email me some porn to cheer me up I certainly wouldn't turn it down.
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This was fun. I probably won't ever pull a Superfriends-style "Show people describing the action instead of showing the action" bunch of comics again though. It's all out of my system. Next week I'll get back to doing multi-pages masterpieces.
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There are two obscure movie qoutes in todays comic. Find them both and win a prize!*
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*there is no prize
It seems to me that about 80% of characters who have a horn of some sort, be it on a hat, helmet or an actual natural growth, have one missing. Either it’s been missing the whole time or something happens and they lose it. Rarely have I seen a character design have all their horns indefinitely. Usual dwarf characters in a fantasy setting suffer from this, having a horned helmet sans a horn. I don’t remember any rule in the Dungeon Masters Guide that says dwarves get a bonus of any sort if they don’t have a missing horn but maybe I missed something.
Another possibility is that I couldn’t think of anything better to talk about so I just fell back on weird thoughts that run through my head when I’m supposed to be working.
-GB
Happiness is finding a copy of Friday the 13th for $4 in the bargain bin at a Walgreens.
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Yeah, it's late. But better late than never! Especially when we're talking about your girlfriend's period.
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I currently have mixed feelings about The Crazies. It looks like it could be really fun and delightful, but it also looks like one of those horror movies that tries too hard and is just gonna disappoint me. Like the Saw movies; so much wasted potential. If it does suck I’ll just cheer myself up by watching Evil Dead for the bazillionth time.
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[REDACTED]
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At first glance, curling is the most useless sport ever conceived. When you look a little deeper however, we find that curling is a sport that promotes, nay, ACTIVELY PROMOTES ridiculous methods of cheating. Seriously dig this: Curling is basically shuffleboard, but with bigger stones. So we got some dudes playing and one guy wants to win soooo bad mainly because frankly he NEEDS this win I mean his wife left him his daughter just got knocked up by his best friend and his car just got repossessed so really if he loses this game of giant stone shuffleboard he’ll probably be hanging by his belt from a rafter faster than you can say ‘train of thought derailment’.
So the guy throws the stone, but soon realizes he didn’t huck it with enough force. He yells at his buddy to go sweep the ice in front of the stone (cut him some slack he didn’t have time for a GOOD plan). The guy he’s playing against calls him a cheater but the guy convinces his opponent via punches to the dick that’s how the game is supposed to be played.
Other sports have a lot to learn from curling.
-GB
Well the ghost writer that I hired write these insipid posts had to be let go. Asshole kept goin' on and on about "union" this and "leave my children alone!" that. People used to have a sense of professionalism, but I suppose these are different times we live in. Lousy ______*.
-GB
*pick one; democrats, republicans, commies, french, white people, mermaids.
I’m a believer that you should make sure to learn something new every single day. Today I learned that Dolph Lundgren has the biggest penis out of any actor in Hollywood. That’s a hell of a thing. As anyone who matters knows, Dolph Lundgren played He-Man in the classic 1987 film Masters of the Universe. Now I don’t know about you, but knowing that He-Man has a big penis is a very comforting thought. Man, if He-Man didn’t have a big penis, I dunno, I just don’t think I could take it. “Sorry, the most powerful man in the universe has the most puny pecker in the universe.” “What?! What can I believe now? How do I know the sun will ever rise again, or if the world will keep on spinning?”
Don’t worry guys, that’s not the case. He-Man has a large dong, and all is right with the universe.
-GB
Today I'm gonna spend this space trying to raise my visability in google.
Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Nipples Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Poop Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Penis Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Bob Dole Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Goblin Boy Kitty.
Alright, that should fix the internet.
-GB
Here's something neat. I picked up Bob Crumb's newest work the other day, The Illustrated Book of Genesis. Now I've never really been one of those bible reading types, too redundant and too wordy, but since discovering Crumb I've become a huge fan of his twisted art. If you're wondering how the guy who used to regularly draw overly explicit acts of raunchy sex could possibly illustrate one of the oldest religious texts with any sort of seriousness well just believe me when I tell you he pulls it off amazingly well. Of course he doesn't leave anything out so it's still full of all the smiting, sex, violence and incest we've come to know and love from the old testament.
-GB
Well I tried to go a whole week without drawing a comic with a penis but no dice. As the saying goes; no matter how hard you try you will always have to look at cocks in your lifetime. Pretty sure that’s an old cowboy saying or something.
-GB
So one day while at work this group of very good lookin’ ladies come in. One of them, the one I personally found to be the most attractive, was wearing a white shirt and holding a marker. They all converged on me and said that they were playing a game for a bachelorette party and the point of it was the bride-to-be had to get as many guys as possible to write their name and phone number on her shirt. She handed me the marker and turned around as I noticed that the only writing on her shirt was on the back; the front was still fresh and devoid of markings. As she stood there waiting expectantly, her friends giggling around her, I hesitated. Soon I said “So, I can write this anywhere?” with an edge of perverted mischief in my voice. “Oh yeah!” She quickly responded. “You can even sign here!” With that she spun around and thrust her luscious chest right at me. Didn’t hesitate this time. I grabbed her ample mammary firmly and I proudly scrawled my info all over her boob. Her friends cheered, we laughed, hugged and they left. Some days it is worth going to your job.
That’s not the end however. Short while later another group of ladies came in. This group, not so good looking. I don’t even mean plain looking, plain looking would be an upgrade for a few of these...females. They were doing the same deal as the sexy ladies, apparently both bridal teams were having a contest. I agreed again to sign her shirt and again I tried to sign her tit, despite her lackluster visage. Except this time I wasn’t given the free reign to sign anywhere. She turned her back toward me and instructed me to sign across her shoulders. Even when I asked if I could sign anywhere I was told to sign only there. Where’s the fun in that?
Now I’m not completely shallow...never mind yes I am. All I’m sayin’ is that chick better be thankful someone decided to ruin his life by marrying her. She missed possibly her only opportunity to be felt up by a stranger ever. Instead of enjoying the silly game, the purpose of which is to get slightly naughty, she had to be a buzz kill. She killed the buzz of her own damn bachelorette party. The pretty ladies were enjoying themselves, why couldn’t they?
My point is this: I love when beautiful ladies let me touch their boobs.
-GB
After toiling ceaselessly in the black bowels of obscurity, I felt it was time to unleash my wretched creations upon an unwilling populace. Badly drawn? Yes. Carelessly written? Absolutely. But look it’s either this or an even worse comic done in ms paint. Just forget decency for a moment and indulge me, won’t you?
-GB